First things first, most men DO NOT hate what feminism started out as we hate what it has become. The core concept behind the now trivialized term ‘Feminism’ is the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes. It basically means that women deserve access to the same opportunities as men, not more not less. But what we see these days in the name of feminism is actually misandry, that is, men-hating.
Men are judged for doing certain things, but women can do those same things and get away with it without any judgment. For example, a man is supposed to give up his seat to a woman who is standing in a public transport vehicle, say a bus or the general compartment of a train (even when there are seats reserved for women in buses, and there is a separate ladies’ coach in case of a train). Now, this makes sense if the woman is pregnant, or if she’s handicapped or aged, but not when she’s young and in good health. And, moreover, what if the tables are turned? Will a woman who is, again, young and in good health, give up her seat to an elderly or handicapped man? I’ve never seen that happen. Have you?
A guy is supposed to let his girlfriend go through his phone and all his social media accounts. Why? Because if he doesn’t then he’s hiding something from her, he’s cheating on her, he’s got a side chick. But will a girl ever let her boyfriend do the same? Obviously not. Why? Because, feminism. Because she’s a strong, independent woman who needs her personal space and who doesn’t really need a man who can’t trust her for her word. If she says she’s not cheating, then she’s not cheating. And obviously, it doesn’t work the same way for him. Why? Because he is a man, and men can’t be trusted.
Another reason why men hate feminism is because the so called ‘Feminists’ of this day and age need to get their priorities straight. While there are issues like ‘Equal Work, Equal Pay’, sexual harassment at the workplace, educating the girl child and female feticide, etc. that need to addressed, what they are more concerned about is ‘Why is it not okay if my bra-strap is showing?’, ‘Why do I need to carry my sanitary pads in a black bag?’ and ‘Wearing or not wearing make-up is #MyChoice’. I’m not saying that these issues are not genuine, but what I’m saying is that these can wait until the aforementioned more important and dire issues have been solved.
Something that I personally can’t wrap my head around (and I’m sure I’m not alone here) is when these ‘Pseudo-Feminists’ demand for reservation. On one hand they say that they are equal to men in all respects, and on the other hand, they need seats reserved for them everywhere from public transport to colleges and even the parliament. I’m not denying the fact that women have been oppressed since time immemorial, and that they still don’t get the same opportunities as men in many parts of the world, but reserving seats for them sends out a message that women are weak, inferior, incapable and incompetent which is against the cause of feminism in the first place.
Then there are Pseudo-Feminists who switch sides as per their convenience. They want the whole ‘ladies first’ treatment for themselves. All their self-professed feminism goes out of the window when they want their boyfriends to pay on dates, carry their shopping bags and open and hold doors for them. But when the same boyfriends tell them that they shouldn’t wear a backless dress, or one with a plunging neckline, they turn FEMINIST-MODE ON. And these are the same women who say that a man shouldn’t wear pink because it’s gay. I’m not saying, even for one moment, that men have the right to police women about their clothes, what I’m saying is that women need to make up their minds and decide if they are feminists or not. When they go back and forth like that, feminism loses credibility in the eyes of men who should be a part of the movement.
Men also lose respect for feminism when they see women generalizing. No one can deny that there are men who cheat in a relationship, men who don’t believe in equality and men who abuse and even rape women. But that doesn’t mean that all men are like that. There are men who fight neck to neck with women when it comes to advocating true feminism. Emmy award-winning & Oscar-nominated Hollywood actor Benedict Cumberbatch recently announced that he won’t sign a movie unless the female lead opposite to him is paid as much as he is. This is one of the many examples of men going above and beyond to support the cause of feminism. To all the women who are reading this: all men are not anti-feminists, all men are not cheaters, all men are not rapists.
Another thing that makes feminism lose ground, is how it has become more of a trend and less of movement. Most women today consider themselves feminists just because it’s fashionable and because it is ‘hot right now’. According to them, feminism means that women can do things that men have been doing or are allowed to do regardless of whether it’s right or wrong. Smoking, drinking and doing drugs is okay because men do it. Partying till the morning is okay because men do it too. Having an extra-marital affair is okay because if men can, then why can’t women. Then there is the misuse of laws that already favour women. Many rape and dowry cases registered in India are actually false. Men are the real victims here, and women need to acknowledge that.
In conclusion, matriarchy can never be the solution for patriarchy because two wrongs don’t make a right. What these pseudo-feminists need to understand is that feminism aims at equality of the sexes, and not establishing the superiority of women over men. If women, in truth, want equality, they need to give up all the unjustified privileges that they enjoy by virtue of being a woman.