Arguments are one of the most difficult situations in life. Every person thinks that they are right and what the other person is saying is just a huge pile of non-sensical shit. Arguments are hard but a crucial part of your life. Logic doesn’t always work during arguments when people aren’t as open to you. Some people misinterpret argument as something in which you have to be aggressive in order to win or assert “dominance”. People try to be loud and take up more space than normal like some neanderthals. But the argument is not a duel but a match between two different opinions, and a match is won by strategy not by aggravating.
Here are a few pointers if you are trying to win an argument in a healthy way:
Define the Win
According to most of the population on this planet winning an argument means the other person losing. That’s pretty far from the actual point of any argument. The whole point of an argument is to convey your opinion to the other person. At the end of the argument, the accomplishment must be you get what you wanted from the argument, not some external validation that your point was right and there’s wrong. When your motivator is seeing them lose then everybody loses.
What Do They Want From The Argument
Most of the people get it wrong when they think that the focus of the argument is driving the other persons. What really drives people at moments like this is to feel appreciated and understood. People want you to care about their opinions and where you are coming from. Just listen carefully to what they are saying and trying to convey in their opinion and then you can sense that this need is there.
Empathize With Them
Just tell them to understand what they want from the argument and convey it to them in a statement that you understand. This will make them feel better and they’ll open up to you and try to listen to what you have to say too. Empathy goes a long way in an argument. If both of you look at it from each other’s point of view then you both will understand each other better.
Look For The Positives
What most people do wrong in an argument is they think that whatever the other person is saying will somehow be absolutely wrong and destructive. The prime example of this can be seen in political debates. Even if one candidate is saying that right thing, the opposition will oppose him just for the sake of it. You should look at the positive things the other person has to offer too. This will also subconsciously make him reciprocate the same action.
Make Your Point
Now is the perfect time to make your point in the argument as now the person is opened up to you and is willing to listen to what you have to say. Now you can use the power of logic and reasoning to add weight to your argument. Make your argument in a manner that doesn’t threaten them in any way.